Carers corner
Caring for someone with an eating disorder can surface many emotions, it can be exhausting and stressful, you may often feel overwhelmed, angry, irritated, utterly exasperated or alone, isolated and tearful. Resentment is a common feeling, as other members of the family may feel they are being ignored or not getting as much time or attention. Having someone in the family with an eating disorder affects not just the individual but everyone in the family and not always in the same way. So don’t ever feel guilty for your feelings.
Caring or supporting a loved one can take its toll on your own mental and physical health too. Therefore it is imperative for you to be supported yourself where possible.
Try and build a network of positive coping mechanisms for yourself and if possible spend time away from your loved one to do things that you enjoy, see friends, relax or simply just take time out. Being a carer you may feel this a selfish act, but in fact it is completely selfless because you have to look after yourself and keep yourself strong and well. Support groups can also be a great way to connect and share with other carers of those with eating disorders.
Tips and To Do's
- Seek support for yourself communication is key. This could be in the form of peer support groups, chats with friends, formal counselling/therapy.
- Look after your own wellbeing.
- Remember take time for yourself. You are doing the best you can.
- Don’t set your expectations too high - try and combat your desire for a quick and easy fix. Recovery is not linear, it’s a long process and there is no time scale. Don’t push too quick, too soon.
- Remember everyone makes mistakes; don’t beat yourself up, acknowledge it and learn from it. Remember you are only doing your best.
- Research, I suggest is imperative, find out as much as you can.
- Avoid “hushed conversations” about the person and avoid the discussion of diets, weight, shape etc…especially in front of them.
- Maybe ask your loved one what you can do to help. Adding more structure might be beneficial, setting meal times or certain boundaries, support after meals, allow them space and time to talk. You could suggest an activity after meals to distract them e.g. play a game, watch a film, listen to music, a quiz, puzzle, arty things…etc
- Don’t assume things...this could be a trigger or cause behaviours etc...
Warning Signs
Warning signs of an eating disorder in someone else
- Changes in their weight, e.g. a rapid loss or gain.
- Picking at food or cutting it Into small pieces
- Eating slowly and drinking a lot of fluid before or during the meal
- Eating a lot of food fast
- Making excuses at meal time e.g. that they have already eaten...
- Avoiding eating with others
- Disappearing after meal time e.g. to the bathroom or to exercise
- Excessive exercising
- Disguising their weight loss by wearing very loose or baggy clothes.
- Grazed, calloused or discoloured knuckles from repeated self-induced vomiting.
- Swollen eyes and cheeks
Getting help for your loved one
Knowing what to do if you are concerned that someone you know has an eating disorder can be difficult. I know that I was very secretive and defensive especially in the beginning and I was in denial that I even had a problem. I hated being questioned or interrogated about whether or not I had eaten, where I was after meals, why I was always in baggy hoodies and sweatpants. I was extremely sensitive about my weight and eating in front of others. I made a lot of excuses and I played many decoys to divert suspicion and attention. I highly suggest letting your loved one know that you're worried about them and please encourage them to seek help and go to their GP. You could offer to go along with them.
If I hadn't been pulled up by my mum and my sister who expressed their growing concerns, then I would not be here today.
